Mid-point

I don’t sleep • Growing • It’s not working • What if it doesn’t work ? • I can’t make it work • I don’t know who I am anymore anyway • roots • What if it’s not meant to be ? • You’re the most important person in my life and yet if you were to disappear, my schedule wouldn’t shake an inch. • What if I fail ? • I asked for that • It’s mute now, my instincts, they don’t tell me anything, or maybe I forgot how to listen AGAIN • I’m not alone •  I can’t go • I know that • I’ll always be alone, same as everyone • Maybe I don’t care enough • Too many shits given • right after having • What if it’s too late • Maybe I have already given up • and my body is ruined • I just need to keep working • I don’t trust them • I don’t know how • I know they’re somewhere but when I don’t see them it’s like I can’t even remember their faces • I love you pals • branches • and I can’t ever be as flexible again ? • I want to be here •  I never learnt how to focus • Everything will be okay in the end • I care too much • I miss you • grown • Come on, get your shit together already • You should be writing • And yet, I’m still struggling • I don’t have enough time • Sometimes I feel like I’m just spilling all my vulnerability over for people and I should just be putting it on paper • Guilt •  You told me my fear was good, that it meant I wasn’t unconscious, but what if I was ? • Nobody’s here • What the hell am I doing ? • The point is to grow • I can do it • Come what may • Protect myself • (It’s just freakin’ hard) • I’m just trouble waiting to happen • I can take a hint, but my soul won’t •  I just want to climb a tree and sleep there for a while • Everybody’s got their story to write and you’re no exception • GET BACK TO WORK •

… Yes. Yes, I can.
I can, and I will.

 ••

Mark’s song

En ce moment, j’écris des morceaux de comédie musicale dont je ne sais pas s’ils deviendront quelque chose un jour.

Mais ils existent, et peut-être que c’est déjà quelque chose ?

Yes I feel fine and well
And happy and jolly
Strong and self sufficient
And I don’t want to talk.

(But ask me again)

I won’t ever need you
You don’t need me either
And dude, that’s all okay
I won’t try to tame you

(When will you come ?)

I can be on my own
I’ll be perfectly fine
I don’t need to be told
What I could be to you

(Will you kiss me or what ?)

You go the hell away
I don’t want you near me
Better off by myself
I don’t want to be touched

(Oh, hold me already)

So you don’t want me here
Well, didn’t wanna come
I don’t care anyway
I wish to remain home.

(I kinda miss you though)

Don’t ever look at me
I don’t want to be seen
Biting my tears back in
None of you’s worth the fight.

(I knew no one would ever like me)

I’m not thinking ‘bout you
Got plenty on my plate
You can’t leave me behind
No one can anymore

(I knew no one would come for me)

Scattered leaflets #2 (suite)

(J’écris des morceaux de choses sans savoir où je vais morceau par morceau. Le premier morceau est ici.)

You know
I don’t think it was even you
it was the trust
the freakin’ trust I put in you
in exchange
for my life

Now it’s hiding
and healing
and licking wounds
I trusted you forever
and now my trust is done with you

You know
now I could give anyone up
for my life

.