On avoidance

So,
You’re so fuckin’ great
I wanna write songs about you
songs and novels and poetry
but I never do.
I never write
about what feels good ;
about anything that’s meant to stay the same for a while,
I must remain silent.

I still tried
to drink you out of my system
to joke you out of my system
to cry you out of my system
to fuck you out of my system
all while you weren’t there

But the truth is
I can’t write about you
because if I do,
I might start to move on
and I don’t want that
because you feel good
because
even though you’re this
impossible boy,
even though I can only think,
there is nothing bad to think about,
and I’d like to keep that
just a little
longer

Fucking myself out of loving you
doesn’t work
Crying myself out of loving you
doesn’t work
Talking myself out of loving you
doesn’t work
Wasting myself out of loving you
I haven’t tried that
because you deserve
so much better

I do not want to risk
writing you out of my head
because the truth is
if I do
I might start to move on
towards what?

And
if you’re
the impossible love of this part of my life
what does that make you
and what’s left of you
when I start growing forward?

That makes you
what you were all along

That makes you my friend